Limbo Limbo Time!

Life after cosmetology school is much like what I’d imagine Purgatory to be like… It’s over, but there’s all this lingering “unfinished business” stuff. Took and passed all my Boards and still have this unsettling… what now? Type feeling. 

(I feel like I should do this in front of my refrigerator as well. Some may call it self-abuse... to me it's simply my only motivator.)

Not that I have anything to complain about. Ry and I have been together for about 9 months now… and it has been the most ridiculously healthy relationship I have ever experienced. I now understand why monogamy can work… because let’s be honest up to this point I’ve been very skeptical. I may have been able to empathize with individuals that cheated on their significant other, because it was a system that I felt was doomed to fail. One person? I get bored and over people by the second! But not anymore. Newp. This girl’s on lock down (for once). 

I am finally understanding the “he’s worth it to me not to do anything to jeopardize our relationship” concept. Maybe that’s my inner old person influenced by Golden Girl’s re-runs. Actually… not even Golden Girl’s now that Friend’s episodes are on Nick at Night. I can just be old while relating to shows I watched in high school. 

Directing The Pajama Game  has been fun…  the script was written by two men in the 50’s and apparently they believed the only way to get a woman was to border-line rape her!  No wonder men and women seem like they are from different planets. The girls are constantly saying “no” which apparently in the 50’s meant “try harder” or “grab me and throw me next to a tree.” And they are supposed to GIGGLE when the man does that to them. Eww. That era screwed everything up. I don’t think girls expect guys to be FBI agents anymore. When I say I’m hungry… it means I’m hungry… not fishing for a “your not fat compliment”.  When I say don’t touch me… don’t freaking touch me. I will NOT giggle. Swear to God.

Other than the awkward scripting… it’s been fun. I love the to see everyone’s drama queen come out through the process… including my own. I watch these kids pretend like I’m asking them to do a triple back flip split… and all it I’ve asked for is a turn step-ball-change. And they’re running around… breathing heavily… like I’m trying to kill them…. And I stare at them and wonder “what the hell is wrong with this child?” Then I remember… I am working with theater kids. They are here BECAUSE they are drama queens. So I have to take a deep breath and watch them exhaust themselves. After I get to that point it’s pretty funny to watch. They make their lives so much harder that it needs to be by making everything SO dramatic… ALL the time. Reminds me of teenager me…. Gag.

Other than the play I am enjoying teaching at Hovland. I don’t believe it’s my calling in life… but it is payin’ the bills… barely… and at least I am not a cranky old wretch that hates her life. But let’s be honest… I’m innately cranky… and old depending on whom I am standing next to at the time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked by my piano students how many kids I have…. Um none! Duh. They look at me like… what is wrong with this lady? And then I tell them that I have ovarian cancer and move on quickly…. Let them deal with that information in their own time. Muahaha.

So pretty much in my current state of purgatory… I look at jobs online during the day… trying to find the “perfect fit”. Waiting for that ad that says... "hey... do you like writing music, stories, doing wedding hair, being involved in plays, and sitting around making dry, sarcastic comments? We've got the perfect job for you where you can make tons of money doing completely useless creative stuff!"

It’s dumb because I know I won’t have time to do a second job until after Christmas… but I still do it… every day just looking for the perfect fit to get myself moving on to the next phase or chapter… or whatever. Quit my day job for the thing I love most. Mario makes it look so damn easy. “look at me.. I’m Mario! I get fulfillment out of running around and hitting my head on blocks and jumping on mushroom guys… “ Good for you Mario! Stop rubbing it in!

 Peace and Love

Kris

Final Countdown

"Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done." ~ Jack Handy

Pearls from Jack. I submit that at this moment, there are not enough pumpkins in the universe. And besides that, not a huge fan of carving pumpkins. You think it's gonna be all cute and fun, only to cut off the top and about two scoops in realize... it kind of blows. I remember relating to this Jack Handy quote so easily in High School. And since I am pretty much back in those magical halls where power-trips run wild, I thought it was an appropriate moment to bust it back out. Approximately TWO weeks until graduation. I remember graduating high school and thinking, 'I don't get why this was a big deal, it's not like it was hard.' I didn't even tell anyone when I graduated with an Associates because let's be honest, it didn't really matter. I was actually shocked how little that one mattered. When I graduated from ASU I thought, "I guess this is a big deal. It was kinda hard sometimes and now I am important I guess." Here I go. Soon to graduate from Cosmetology school. And it is a BIG FREAKING DEAL. And what's sad is I feel like it's the least respected degree that I have. When I tell people that it was an intense, hard program, they look at me like I'm a whiny little bitch. No the content wasn't that hard, I mean they do try to take themselves a little too seriously and make it harder than it needs to be. My guess is that they do this in an aftermath attempt to change stereotypes and gain respect in the industry. But it took intense strength of mind and willpower to complete these 1600 hours. It's like getting up every morning to bang your head against a wall every day. And you have no clue how long or hard you will have to bang your head for that day. You just do. Over and over ever day.

Mental sanity and endurance are the key factors of this program. I feel like being re-released into world in two weeks will be like coming out of the tunnels of Azkaban, or Alcatraz for those of you that are less nerdy. So all I have to say is if I am found talking to my shadow or peeing in a corner, just let it be. Someday I will recover.

So here I go... boldly.... off to complete the last two weeks of my current insanity.

Whelp... time for out with the old and in with the new...

It has been very interesting to follow the posts and emotional evolution of the generation that grew up with Harry Potter. The reaction to the final movie was shocking to me. The emotional posts sometimes had a sting of betrayal, or a morbidly sad sense of loss to them. I almost feel cheated that I didn't have a fictional groups of friends that I grew up with. Granted after the final movie that entire generation is going through the growing pains of losing friends and moving on... but how awesome to have such a real attachment to characters in a book. I am in awe of this phenomenon. My sympathies to all of my friends who lost their besties Harry, Ron, Hermoine, and Neville this past month. Lets be honest no one really cared about ginger Ginny or Loony Luna. Hope you find solace.... potentially in Hunger Games? Cause seriously, the cast looks dead on.

Very excite! May 2011... please get here faster! I am excited to have a well balanced romance/action series. I feel like I have been watching a never-ending slew of comic book movies. They have been fun and great and all... but they just tend to seem never ending. Maybe the Green Lantern sent me over my threshold. I really REALLY liked Ryan Reynolds... but the entire time I watched Green Lantern all I thought about was how his hairline looks like it is eating his face. Sadly they didn't catch onto this in time to cast him in the Rise of the Planet of the Apes film. Their loss. Could've saved a whole step in evolution. 

Cowboys and Aliens was an interesting film that broke-up the super hero monotony. If your willing to sit back and say to yourself "their mixing cowboys... and aliens. No holds are barred I guess. They can do whatever the hell they want!" I enjoyed it in a confusing way... like... neat...that was... that was really good. I liked it?

Anyway... it's Bachelorette finale night. Yes. I got sucked in. I didn't want to... but it was just so fun to watch the love of my life and my mom bond over the episodes. And before you know it... I was suckered in. We watched the "Men Tell All" episode. That's how you know you've got a problem. You're watching the episodes about the episodes. But seriously... Someone is getting engaged tonight. And the guy proposing is gonna know she almost wanted to marry about four other guys when they watch the season. Riveting television. Can't help myself. Between that and Shark Week I've just nerded myself into a whole new bracket!

But ode to my boo... who is the only guy I know that is secure enough in himself to gush over the bachelorette

 

Whelp... I will be a graduated lady next time I get a chance to sit down and ramble. So here's off to just about twelve more days of hell! 

   

Wishin' I was at the beach today!! A whole week without lessons... YES PLEASE! I think I'm just going to live in denial, go down to the pool, and imagine it's a beach. I saw a lady doing that yesterday. Just sippin' a cocktail, layin' in the shallow end not paying attention to the eight hellians running, yelling, and splashing everyone within 20 yards of the pool. What a powerful mind.Someday I hope to be so insane that reality doesn't even bother me.  I have faith that I will get there. 

Went out to eat with a group of the piano instructors that teach through the Conservatory last night after recitals. Surprisingly, sharing stories about kids peeing in their lessons, crying, farting, and handling disruptive behavior with 'tough love' wasn't as riveting as one would think. But at least there was minimal time spent discussing the brand of piano Bach played, which is just one of the crowd favorites. Those kids were so good last night though. Little Mozarts getting up there and perfectly executing Chopin in 2nd grade. Pretty impressive. 

Beach. Beach. Beach. Beach. 
I think

Beach. Beach. Beach. Beach.

Therefore I am

Beach. Beach. Beach. Beach.

Gone Thinking

So I rarely get a moment to breathe, think, and reflect. Today I was able to do this and let me tell you... the outcome is terrifying. I definitely shouldn't be allowed to let this crazy hamster in my head jump onto its wheel. And who's to say it's weird that when my mind runs out of control I picture a furry ninja hamster running on a wheel in my head? Completely normal.

Saw Billy Elliot on Sunday. Very moving. Loved it. Loved the little cross-dressing boy in it more than Billy probably. That kid was adorable. The ginormous dancing dresses and trousers were a little disturbing, but all in all a great story. I would've like the ending to be a little more climactic though. They put all this layering and symbolism into the the first act and then the second act was super straight forward. All in all a beautiful expression of following your dreams. Reminded me of Zoolander a little.

Just ran into a crazy lady on a little red motorized scooter calling for her cats. I couldn't tell if she was talking to me or not. Then I realized she was. But when our conversation ended hers didn't. Creepy. That was the immanent future that I imagined for myself about 3 months ago. I've come a long way I'd say.

And just a shout out to Karrie for shoving Blair and myself in the back of her jeep with doll heads and a dirt caked tire. I'm still traumatized. That jeep was rough with me. Therapy is needed.

I just keep thinking... 3 more weeks of May, 3 more weeks of May. And then this never-ending school nightmare will be a down-hill battle. Yay Monday. Let's get this!

Ding Dong Ding Dong

“I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.” - Good Ole Jack

 It's funny how big of a deal it would've been to me to hear Osama Bin Lauden's dead about 8-10 years ago. Funnier still to watch everyone on TV get wind of it as Ry and I watched the Phillie's game last night. Everyone's phones were lighting up the stadium and a massive USA chant rang through the rafters. Why does our country exhibit such a strong masculinity? So weird. Maybe it's because we're the little brother nation that can't let it's soft side peak through without being called gay. That's fine though. It was inspiring to see all the jubilant spectators begin chanting as the players looked dazed and confused. Like wtf? Choose a team assholes. But apparently nothing can unite feuding fans quite as quickly as the bromantic notion of Osama Bin Laudin being killed. I just wish someone could have punched the idiot wearing the USA shirt. Congratulations sir that you blindly picked the right shirt this evening. Now please sit the hell down! 

"America! Fuck ya! Out to save the mother fuckin' day ya!" Funnier still, in my opinion is how the masses reacted in the streets. Like New Year's on crack. I'm sure there were riots and that every remotely Muslim person was probably at risk of being mobbed. Ry made a good point as we watched thousands celebrate outside the Whitehouse... how is this different that the al-Qaeda celebration that happened after 9-11?

Granted Americans just really love an excuse to celebrate. And we decided that a large portion will be calling out of work today, and keeping those blinds shut just a little bit tighter if they make it in. Ultimately, I think this celebration is slightly different that of the brain-washed Muslims 10 years ago. The war on terror was to protect America's proverbial "ass" to let future terrorists know that we will not stand idly by and watch it get raped. The devastation that this one man caused our nation was life altering. And while the 9-11 attacks were on innocent people, the killing of Osama Bin Laden was definitely our wicked witch of the middle-east. I kept waiting for the munchkin guild to make their appearance, but they never did.

So congratulations Americans! Hopefully no more flying monkeys for a while. And congratulations Obama! He gets to have the capture and killing of Osama on his report card. As Ry puts it- "Now lower freaking gas prices and maybe we'll vote for you again!" Get it!

In other news this week.... The Royal Wedding. 

So, minus Kate's dress being... well meh? Ok and her having beautiful girl-next-door charm that I love and admire, that girl's got balls. On the Stern show they reporting Kate having the "Obey" part taken out of her vow. So it was just "to honor". Ya! Girl Power! The Spice Girls are somewhere loving that shit!

So she kept it classy, and traditional... with a little splash of feminist. LIKE!

And most importantly... In my life this weekend... I went to the Women's Expo to make up hours for school. I know right? Why is America not celebrating that shit! It's kind of a big deal. Played some magical rounds of Blackjack and ended up winning a stay at a Bed and Breakfast in Sedona and two STYX concert tickets. Thanks to Barb- the Winery owner in Sedona, both Marrissa, myself, and the two loves of our lives will be livin' it up at Zinfest 2011. Get it! Had a lot of fun with Marrissa getting free samples from all the booths. Super embarrassing that the frozen wine guy totally called me out on being there multiple times, but meh? It was the only way to cope with not being by a pool on a Sunday afternoon.


So bring on May! The goal is: No missed days of school! So... let's see how many hours that can last.  

A Fine Kettle of Fish

Things are pretty good right now. Obviously had to get a little Grouchy Marlena out of the system this morning, but life is good.

Ah to be young and in love.

And obviously by young I mean relative to 70. If I was standing next to a 70 year old Ry and I would be young and in love.  And crazy whippersnappers making foolish decisions. Standing at my station at school, however, I feel like old grandma river, way too old to be figuring out what true love is for the first time. (Unless that one really old lady that is going to school there is standing nearby… just to be honest).

So here’s what I’ve known: people are people, they don’t change. But what I’ve found is that when you find one that you’re compatible with... that’s a Yahtzee my friend. The Yahtzee of life. My guess is I could have made my previous relationships work, and maybe eventually we would’ve found love and compromise after years of pain, self-loathing, and therapy. Of course opposites attract. But if you can find someone in that 1% of the population that you are truly compatible with…  it turns out that it is stupidly easy. It’s stupid how much work I was putting into my other relationships, just banging my head against a wall trying to find understanding and mutual ground. But I guess 27 is better than 70. So I’ll take it, and am so happy for the chance to finally get a Yatzee. All five dice aligning with the same number.  The odds are what, 1 out of 22? So like 4%? Ya I’d say I went through about 22 guys to find a Yahtzee. That makes me sound like a whore but it’s true. I am so jealous of the people that get that shit on their first roll. Those high school sweethearts that are still holding hands. Not the ones that you can see there is animosity about 1 foot deep but the ones that are just enjoying life because they have that center. That person that grounds them in a good way. No bitterness. No nagging. Just that someone they call home.

I may have love diarrhea right now. It’s kind of a problem but I can’t help it. It’s been a really amazing journey. I had to let myself shatter to get to this point. And by shatter I mean completely. Had to let EVERYTHING go. Including myself. But man I am so glad that I did. He’s worth it. Finally someone that makes all of the bullshit worth it.

Daily Marlena Rant:

Dear Brillare Hair Academy,

Thank you, in behalf of Cosmetology Schools everywhere, for fucking over poor broke ass students. Thank you for giving us the experience of working in a sweat shop and thinking of us as large walking dollar signs. When we leave school to go to our actual jobs we are so exhausted that we can barely function. It’s so nice to know after pulling these daily doubles there will be absolutely no understanding whatsoever if we are 1 minute late. Not even if there is a death in the family. Thank you for the priceless education of doing the same root retouch and full-head highlights every day.

Today I found myself in one of those quality lose-lose situations. Woke-up early. Got ready and out the door on time. Missed clocking in by 1 minute. That time clock haunts my dreams. When I am driving through the 40 minutes of bumper to bumper traffic, I envision that clock and send out all the positive, 'secret'ly energy that it will say 8:07am on it’s god forsaken blue light up screen when I get to school. This morning it was a taunting 8:08 am and my sad panda-self left the building as a fail. Let’s be honest. It’s hair school. Aren’t we taking ourselves a little too seriously? I just really appreciate how you get your students into this losing battle of having to complete our programs within the allotted time, but don’t allow us to clock in. Lose – lose: quit school and still owe for the whole program with nothing to show for it, or finish weeks after I’m supposed to and pay thousands of dollars in overtime fees. The thing is I made it to school. Just punish me by making me wait an hour to clock-in or something. Give me a perm or something brutal. But no. Another day lost. Add that $50 to my overtime bill. No big deal. I’m obviously loaded. That’s why I’m in school.

Just wanted to say atta boy Brillare! Way to tailor your program to individuals that live with their parents, don’t have a job, and can just dedicate their entire existence to this ‘quality’ education for a year. You really take that 5% of student’s interest to heart. High fives all around.

Sincerely,

Grouchy Marlena

(the vocal alter-ego)