If you're robbing a bank and your pants fall down, I think it's
okay to laugh, and let your hostages laugh too, because come on - life is
funny. ~ Jack Handy
No shit Jack. No shit. Lots of "life" going on up in here. I'm surprised I have not yet broken down and robbed a bank. It seems my breakdowns involve tweezing my eyelashes and way too much alaprozam. Oh life. You got me again you devil you.
On a positive note I'm turning the big 3-0 in eight days. Why is that positive? Well it's not. But Coco Chanel feels me. I'll see your gorgeous classy lady and raise you a hot-drunken-bed-peeing mess. Irresistible is right.
I want a tattoo for my 30th birthday. Why? Because I'm a badass and not fearing my future wrinkled self anymore. That "what about when your skin is old and wrinkley" thought has probably rightfully kept me from tatting myself up long enough I say! My original plan for 30 was a party bus and painting the town red. Then I lost my job, my best friend, my apartment, my sanity, and all my eyelashes in the same day. At what point does it stop being a disaster and just become an accomplishment? Because I am going for the GOLD!
Certain things never change. I am not good at staying single, having girlfriends, keeping boyfriends, keeping it pc or hiding the wreck that I am. The problem is I keep ending up in the same place over and over. Here I am, new guy, new living situation, new set of friends, new decade. Let's see how long it takes me to fuck this all up. Sad part is... I don't even care. I might as well document this shit show coming down the pipeline. Here is me... pretending that I am going to blog more regularly again. Since my insurance plan was Obamafied... it's the only therapy I can afford.
Life after cosmetology school is much like what I’d imagine Purgatory to be like… It’s over, but there’s all this lingering “unfinished business” stuff. Took and passed all my Boards and still have this unsettling… what now? Type feeling.
(I feel like I should do this in front of my refrigerator as well. Some may call it self-abuse... to me it's simply my only motivator.)
Not that I have anything to complain about. Ry and I have been together for about 9 months now… and it has been the most ridiculously healthy relationship I have ever experienced. I now understand why monogamy can work… because let’s be honest up to this point I’ve been very skeptical. I may have been able to empathize with individuals that cheated on their significant other, because it was a system that I felt was doomed to fail. One person? I get bored and over people by the second! But not anymore. Newp. This girl’s on lock down (for once).
I am finally understanding the “he’s worth it to me not to do anything to jeopardize our relationship” concept. Maybe that’s my inner old person influenced by Golden Girl’s re-runs. Actually… not even Golden Girl’s now that Friend’s episodes are on Nick at Night. I can just be old while relating to shows I watched in high school.
Directing The Pajama Game has been fun… the script was written by two men in the 50’s and apparently they believed the only way to get a woman was to border-line rape her!No wonder men and women seem like they are from different planets. The girls are constantly saying “no” which apparently in the 50’s meant “try harder” or “grab me and throw me next to a tree.” And they are supposed to GIGGLE when the man does that to them. Eww. That era screwed everything up. I don’t think girls expect guys to be FBI agents anymore. When I say I’m hungry… it means I’m hungry… not fishing for a “your not fat compliment”. When I say don’t touch me… don’t freaking touch me. I will NOT giggle. Swear to God.
Other than the awkward scripting… it’s been fun. I love the to see everyone’s drama queen come out through the process… including my own. I watch these kids pretend like I’m asking them to do a triple back flip split… and all it I’ve asked for is a turn step-ball-change. And they’re running around… breathing heavily… like I’m trying to kill them…. And I stare at them and wonder “what the hell is wrong with this child?” Then I remember… I am working with theater kids. They are here BECAUSE they are drama queens. So I have to take a deep breath and watch them exhaust themselves. After I get to that point it’s pretty funny to watch. They make their lives so much harder that it needs to be by making everything SO dramatic… ALL the time. Reminds me of teenager me…. Gag.
Other than the play I am enjoying teaching at Hovland. I don’t believe it’s my calling in life… but it is payin’ the bills… barely… and at least I am not a cranky old wretch that hates her life. But let’s be honest… I’m innately cranky… and old depending on whom I am standing next to at the time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked by my piano students how many kids I have…. Um none! Duh. They look at me like… what is wrong with this lady? And then I tell them that I have ovarian cancer and move on quickly…. Let them deal with that information in their own time. Muahaha.
So pretty much in my current state of purgatory… I look at jobs online during the day… trying to find the “perfect fit”. Waiting for that ad that says... "hey... do you like writing music, stories, doing wedding hair, being involved in plays, and sitting around making dry, sarcastic comments? We've got the perfect job for you where you can make tons of money doing completely useless creative stuff!"
It’s dumb because I know I won’t have time to do a second job until after Christmas… but I still do it… every day just looking for the perfect fit to get myself moving on to the next phase or chapter… or whatever. Quit my day job for the thing I love most. Mario makes it look so damn easy. “look at me.. I’m Mario! I get fulfillment out of running around and hitting my head on blocks and jumping on mushroom guys… “ Good for you Mario! Stop rubbing it in!
"Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done." ~ Jack Handy
Pearls from Jack. I submit that at this moment, there are not enough pumpkins in the universe. And besides that, not a huge fan of carving pumpkins. You think it's gonna be all cute and fun, only to cut off the top and about two scoops in realize... it kind of blows. I remember relating to this Jack Handy quote so easily in High School. And since I am pretty much back in those magical halls where power-trips run wild, I thought it was an appropriate moment to bust it back out. Approximately TWO weeks until graduation. I remember graduating high school and thinking, 'I don't get why this was a big deal, it's not like it was hard.' I didn't even tell anyone when I graduated with an Associates because let's be honest, it didn't really matter. I was actually shocked how little that one mattered. When I graduated from ASU I thought, "I guess this is a big deal. It was kinda hard sometimes and now I am important I guess." Here I go. Soon to graduate from Cosmetology school. And it is a BIG FREAKING DEAL. And what's sad is I feel like it's the least respected degree that I have. When I tell people that it was an intense, hard program, they look at me like I'm a whiny little bitch. No the content wasn't that hard, I mean they do try to take themselves a little too seriously and make it harder than it needs to be. My guess is that they do this in an aftermath attempt to change stereotypes and gain respect in the industry. But it took intense strength of mind and willpower to complete these 1600 hours. It's like getting up every morning to bang your head against a wall every day. And you have no clue how long or hard you will have to bang your head for that day. You just do. Over and over ever day.
Mental sanity and endurance are the key factors of this program. I feel like being re-released into world in two weeks will be like coming out of the tunnels of Azkaban, or Alcatraz for those of you that are less nerdy. So all I have to say is if I am found talking to my shadow or peeing in a corner, just let it be. Someday I will recover.
So here I go... boldly.... off to complete the last two weeks of my current insanity.
Whelp... time for out with the old and in with the new...
It has been very interesting to follow the posts and emotional evolution of the generation that grew up with Harry Potter. The reaction to the final movie was shocking to me. The emotional posts sometimes had a sting of betrayal, or a morbidly sad sense of loss to them. I almost feel cheated that I didn't have a fictional groups of friends that I grew up with. Granted after the final movie that entire generation is going through the growing pains of losing friends and moving on... but how awesome to have such a real attachment to characters in a book. I am in awe of this phenomenon. My sympathies to all of my friends who lost their besties Harry, Ron, Hermoine, and Neville this past month. Lets be honest no one really cared about ginger Ginny or Loony Luna. Hope you find solace.... potentially in Hunger Games? Cause seriously, the cast looks dead on.
Very excite! May 2011... please get here faster! I am excited to have a well balanced romance/action series. I feel like I have been watching a never-ending slew of comic book movies. They have been fun and great and all... but they just tend to seem never ending. Maybe the Green Lantern sent me over my threshold. I really REALLY liked Ryan Reynolds... but the entire time I watched Green Lantern all I thought about was how his hairline looks like it is eating his face. Sadly they didn't catch onto this in time to cast him in the Rise of the Planet of the Apes film. Their loss. Could've saved a whole step in evolution.
Cowboys and Aliens was an interesting film that broke-up the super hero monotony. If your willing to sit back and say to yourself "their mixing cowboys... and aliens. No holds are barred I guess. They can do whatever the hell they want!" I enjoyed it in a confusing way... like... neat...that was... that was really good. I liked it?
Anyway... it's Bachelorette finale night. Yes. I got sucked in. I didn't want to... but it was just so fun to watch the love of my life and my mom bond over the episodes. And before you know it... I was suckered in. We watched the "Men Tell All" episode. That's how you know you've got a problem. You're watching the episodes about the episodes. But seriously... Someone is getting engaged tonight. And the guy proposing is gonna know she almost wanted to marry about four other guys when they watch the season. Riveting television. Can't help myself. Between that and Shark Week I've just nerded myself into a whole new bracket!
But ode to my boo... who is the only guy I know that is secure enough in himself to gush over the bachelorette
Whelp... I will be a graduated lady next time I get a chance to sit down and ramble. So here's off to just about twelve more days of hell!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Wishin' I was at the beach today!! A whole week without lessons... YES PLEASE! I think I'm just going to live in denial, go down to the pool, and imagine it's a beach. I saw a lady doing that yesterday. Just sippin' a cocktail, layin' in the shallow end not paying attention to the eight hellians running, yelling, and splashing everyone within 20 yards of the pool. What a powerful mind.Someday I hope to be so insane that reality doesn't even bother me. I have faith that I will get there.
Went out to eat with a group of the piano instructors that teach through the Conservatory last night after recitals. Surprisingly, sharing stories about kids peeing in their lessons, crying, farting, and handling disruptive behavior with 'tough love' wasn't as riveting as one would think. But at least there was minimal time spent discussing the brand of piano Bach played, which is just one of the crowd favorites. Those kids were so good last night though. Little Mozarts getting up there and perfectly executing Chopin in 2nd grade. Pretty impressive.
So I rarely get a moment to breathe, think, and reflect. Today I was able to do this and let me tell you... the outcome is terrifying. I definitely shouldn't be allowed to let this crazy hamster in my head jump onto its wheel. And who's to say it's weird that when my mind runs out of control I picture a furry ninja hamster running on a wheel in my head? Completely normal.
Saw Billy Elliot on Sunday. Very moving. Loved it. Loved the little cross-dressing boy in it more than Billy probably. That kid was adorable. The ginormous dancing dresses and trousers were a little disturbing, but all in all a great story. I would've like the ending to be a little more climactic though. They put all this layering and symbolism into the the first act and then the second act was super straight forward. All in all a beautiful expression of following your dreams. Reminded me of Zoolander a little.
Just ran into a crazy lady on a little red motorized scooter calling for her cats. I couldn't tell if she was talking to me or not. Then I realized she was. But when our conversation ended hers didn't. Creepy. That was the immanent future that I imagined for myself about 3 months ago. I've come a long way I'd say.
And just a shout out to Karrie for shoving Blair and myself in the back of her jeep with doll heads and a dirt caked tire. I'm still traumatized. That jeep was rough with me. Therapy is needed.
I just keep thinking... 3 more weeks of May, 3 more weeks of May. And then this never-ending school nightmare will be a down-hill battle. Yay Monday. Let's get this!
I want a tattoo for my 30th birthday. Why? Because I'm a badass and not fearing my future wrinkled self anymore. That "what about when your skin is old and wrinkley" thought has probably rightfully kept me from tatting myself up long enough I say! My original plan for 30 was a party bus and painting the town red. Then I lost my job, my best friend, my apartment, my sanity, and all my eyelashes in the same day. At what point does it stop being a disaster and just become an accomplishment? Because I am going for the GOLD! 
